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Coinbase and EVM Payment Integration

If you've ever tried to accept crypto payments in a real web application - not a hackathon demo, not a Medium tutorial copy-paste, an actual production system - you already know the documentation situation is somewhere between "sparse" and "actively hostile." The Coinbase Commerce docs read like they were written by someone who's never had to debug a webhook at 2 AM. The ethers.js examples assume you're building a hello-world dApp, not a payment pipeline that needs to handle underpayments, expired charges, and the occasional user who sends DAI to an ETH address and then emails you about it.